Gând pozitiv

Thinking of you

She has been lying on her bed skipping by channels on the TV.Finally, she found a music channel that was playing a sad love song.A shiver runs down on her spine as she blinked.She closed her eyes tightly to prevent some tears then she had opened them.From all the sudden, a cold wind slowly blows and she begun to huddle.As the acoustic guitar plays along with the song, she once again shut her eyes to try to control the new formed tears in her eyes.

She huddled in her bed for almost five minutes and once again she had opened her eyes.A single tear came running down from her left eye on her cheek.She managed to whisper “I miss you” with her cracked voice.Suddenly, she felt some warm arms wrapping arround her waist.She have not turned arround to see who it was but she had heard the familiar soft voice that she loved whispering “I’m here”. The girl was in shock and another shiver ran down her spine.She let another tear fall down as she turned to see him. He was there as she wanted him to be and the most important of all, he was there to cuddle her and to make her see that she was important to him.She smiled warmly at him as he kissed her cheek sweetly.
She had closed her eyes once again, wrapped in his arms.She wanted to freeze this moment: The moment when he was there when she needed him the most.

She opened her eyes as she started to feel the chill air once again.She turned her eyes back where she saw him earlier, hoping that he had not left but for the young girl’s desperation and sadness, he was gone, gone again…
She blinked again as she woke up lying on her bed.She had fallen asleep thinking of him and she had met him in her dream.

Weakness

I miss you.There, I said it.Remember when you told me to stop worrying and relax a bit ? Well, I am sorry that I haven’t listened to you. Why ?
Well, that’s a pretty stupid question to be asked but I will answer it.

The first reason for my carefulness was the single difference between you and i. I mean, try to walk in my shoes for a day or even for a couple of hours, time we spent together.You be the teen and try to hide from a few relatives that wouldn’t understand and who would judge you based on nothing but their foolish thoughts.

The second and last reason is juvenile.I was scared.Of what ? Not of you, of course.You were and you still are a very good man and you were always so gentle with me.

I was scared of the possibility of losing control over myself.Scared of acting like I shouldn’t (now we both know that I screwed this one up) and at last, scared that I may lose you sooner than I thought.

I loved the times we used to hang out and lose track of time, the way you used to hold me tighter and tighter when we hugged and I still love that you are one of the few people who can understand me.

I think you need to know that I am very sorry for every time I made you upset.I know that I should have listened to you ever time you advised me and I should had agreed on a time to be home so I wouldn’t be so nervous every time.I should have acted like the adult I pretend to be.

What’s the reason for our break up ? I like you, you seem to like me too and even my mother was ok with us.I don’t quite believe the law reason you gave me.Is it because I did something wrong ? Is it because you said that we were dating in secret and no one should know ? I know I told you that I told two or three friends about us but I didn’t say that they are from the other side of the country.

I would like to tell you one last thing.This summer was the worst summer I ever had until I met you.You taught me many things (and you still teach me, which I am very grateful of) and showed me how the world goes.

I am thankful for every memory you gave me.As you probably know already, I like you.I really do but between having you as a friend and losing you, I prefer having you as a friend.

~Scrisă pe data de 22 septembrie 2011. ~

Dark place

A small empty room.Darkness everywhere in the surroundings.There was a boy living this nightmare, just a left out boy that nobody cared of.

The boy’s mind was crashing, he was losing his mind.Why did they had to treat him like he was lower than dust ? Why wouldn’t they understand how the boy felt ? Why did they kept ignoring him, just like he wasn’t there ? He didn’t knew but he had enough.He was done crying, done consuming and done trying to forgive and forget.
But he couldn’t wipe out all those memories that kept haunting him from the depths of his mind.He had too many personal issues, too many fights with his own parents and his own person,  too many wounds that still bled.
The boy was in the darkened room.The room had no windows nor doors, making the light impossible to find its way inside.The boy was there but he couldn’t remember how or when he got there.He was laying on his back on the cold wooden floor when he hardly lifted in the air his weak arm.

It hurt.It really did hurt him.He couldn’t bear this fight that he had inside of him, a war between himself that never came to an end, even if he was losing.He couldn’t find the reasons to fight any longer.
The boy lifted the other arm and placed both of his hands on the floor, supporting his weak body as he stood up.He paced weakly to one wall, where he supported himself and eventually, he let his weak body slide down the wall where his arms folded around his knees and he held them tightly.

A weak memory suddenly came back to him.He was standing against the wall on the school’s hallway with his ear plugs on.He was silently listening to his music player watching with his red, irritated eyes the school’s students going from class to class.The boy had a rough day, he had been crying for about an hour so his eyes became red and irritated from the salty tears.From the moment he stopped crying, he had caged himself in a safer world, his inside world.
Suddenly, a girl came into the hallway with long curly hair and an angry face expression.She had paced quickly, with the sound of her high heels clicking on the floor, to where the boy stood quietly.She looked into his eyes for a second then she started shouting at him because of their class childish behaviour.Their class had skipped the last two classes the other day and the girl had thought that he came up with the idea of leaving.
The boy, who was a calm person, had lost control over himself and left the zen area, resulting the boy begun shouting at his classmate that he wasn’t the one to blame and that he didn’t care about what happened.The girl froze where she stood as the boy did when he finally understood that he gone too far.The skinny form of the girl slowly trembled as the boy shouted and her jaw fell, with her lower lip slightly trembeling.The boy tried to apologize but the girl didn’t want to listen to what he had to say.
“You aren’t like that.You are a monster !” the girl had shouted before she ran away, with teary eyes, leaving behind the speechless boy.
A body begun to shake slightly.The boy begun crying.The was a repeated action for him and it had been like this for a while.His chocolate brown eyes got used to the salty liquid the was always falling from them.The boy was sobbing.He tried not to think about his past, about his life and about all the things that made him suffer so much, but he couldn’t.His mind slowly drifted to yet another weak memory of himself and some of his so-called friends.
For the first time is his life, he saw  girl and he had fallen for her.One of his close friends said that he knew the girl and asked the boy if he’d like to be introduced to the girl.The girl’s name was Elisa and she was very beautiful, with her short curly hair, her little cute nose and her deep brown eyes.His friend had introduced him the her, and the boy and the girl became friends.They had so many things in common that you’ll think that they were made for each other !
One day, when the two of them were hanging out in the park, the boy had admitted to the girl all of his feelings and happily, the girl said that she felt the same and the two of them were together like the boy wouldn’t ever dream of.
After two weeks since they’ve been going out, the boy was at school, in the break between two classes, when he made his mind to go visit his girlfriend.He almost ran from all the enthusiasm he felt but when he had reached her class, one of her classmates told him that another boy came a second earlier and she went outside with another classmate.The boy sighed, thanked the girl and went to the boy’s room.
The boy’s room was every time empty but this time, from the second he came in, the boy felt like he shouldn’t be there.He had heard moans from a stall, but he ignored them.He almost finished his job, he was now at the sink, washing his hand when out of the sudden, the stall’s door opened revealing his girlfriend and his so-called friend embraced and kissing each other.The boy stood there motionless until the girl opened her eyes and saw him.The action that followed immediately was the boy running away with tears in his eyes while the girl shouted his name.
The two of them never spoke again since then.

Decision.The boy had come to a decision.He was tired of feeling like this, he had to set himself free from all the sufferings and all the pain from this twisted world.
The weak body slowly got up, his vision became blurry as he stepped forward.The dark room he had been trapped in was slowly turning itself into a small restroom where the boy weakly stepped forward on the calcareous stoneware floor as he placed his soft palms on the wall, to maintain balance. The boy had reached the sink.He held onto it leaning his body weight on it as he was facing the small mirror placed on the wall.His face expression was a mixture between sadness and desperation.Some last tears were slowly falling from his eyes as he opened the small medical cabinet and got out a small silver blade.He stared at it as a river of salty tears came falling down on his cheeks.His eyes moved from the shiny blade to his new reflection as he closed the medical cabinet.
What was he going to do ? He needed to stop the source of the pain, he needed to do it ! The boy slowly inhaled deeply the fresh lemon-flavored air into his lungs and exhaled.He had to do it, he was the only one who could set himself free.
The boy shut his eyes tight as his two fingers reached for the silver blade and got it between the two fingers.
The boy had opened his eyes and took a last look at his own reflection.Then, the boy lifted the blade and raised it to his neck.Tears that were falling before from his eyes had begun falling more repeatedly as he pursued a vein on his neck.He finally found the vein and he tried to push forward the blade but he stopped.He wasn’t strong enough to set himself free.
Then, he stretched his other hand and placed the blade on the veins from his wrist.He was ready. He pushed the silver blade until he felt the cut that he generated.With the wounded hand, he took the bloody blade and silently cut the veins from the other wrist.
He threw down the blade, watching it crash into a million tiny pieces and walked to the nearest wall.The boy sat with his back against the wall, with his legs stretched and with his wounded wrists above them.
A red liquid had begun to pour from the two cuts.The boy stared at what he had done with an unimpressed look on his face as the amount ion blood was raising.He stood there for about five minutes staring at his wrists until he begun to feel weakened, so he let himself fall on the cold floor, facing it.The red blood begun to pour quicker as it let the boy powerless as he closed his eyes in new forming blood pool.
His name was Jacob and this was a story about an underestimated ignored boy who couldn’t take the laughs and opinions of others any longer.

Anunț

După cum probabil că ați observat, blogul a fost trecut pe privat timp de o oră pentru a i se putea face anumite modificări.
Cea mai importantă modificare a acestui blog este că de acum înainte nu se vor publica numai fotografii, ci vor mai fi publicate și povestiri, în română și în engleză, redactate de mine.
Sper că această idee să prindă printre voi și că vă va plăcea

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